Norm Nathan's Vault of Silliness w/Tony Nesbitt - Ep 306 - Rash Decisions & PUNchlines

[00:00:00] Speaker A: So very nice to have you back again this week for another ribald episode from Norm Nathan's vault of silliness. You may have to listen to this more than once as the jokes and laughter are out of control. Which leads to our title, rash decisions and punchlines. It's a dumb birthday game from September 21, 1991. And it all begins with the Norm show. Open in the original dumb birthday game theme, Norm then explains the rules and prize offerings. The players, Scott and Peabody Scott from Northborough, Kristen and Dorchester, Richard from Boston. I'm producing. And on the phone from Master Control, Jack Hart and Steve Lavelli. The birthdays with all the sound effects. Larry Hagman, Bill Murray, Hamilton Jardin, Henry Gibson, Stephen King, Bill Curtis, Fannie Flagg commercials. Good old Joan Cantwell for Gold Bond. Keep it in your sneaker. And a WBZ New England Patriots game promo with Gil Santos. There's a classic top hour sounder and then we hear accuweather with Jay Shulman. Next is the old traffic sounder and we close this one out with what I will deem a classic radio moment. So you have to stay tuned. Episode 306, Rash Decisions and punch lines flakes its way to your ears in three, two and one. [00:01:34] Speaker B: Norm Nathan, he's the talk of the town. Lift you up when you're down. Nor Nathan on WBC in my. [00:01:48] Speaker C: Hey, thank you very much. Here's Norm. How do we do it night after night? That's a question I ask, too, a million dollar one. So don't expect me just to give away the answer. Okay? This is the dumb birthday game in which we parade out the names of people who were born on this very date. This very date being Saturday, September 21st. Did I tell you there was a hurricane once on this date? Anyway, there are a lot of people born on this date and the idea is to guess how old they are, which is about as dumb a concept for a game as you can think of. But whoever gets the most number correct answers, except people who are employed by wbz, by Westinghouse or by one of its washing machine subsidiaries, is of course not eligible to play. But the rest of you, if you come out on top, we'll just send you some kind of a prize. And, and as you know, the prizes, I can't tell you what they are in advance because I don't know, I rifle through desk drawers and see what I can steal. And sometimes it's. Sometimes it may be something really nice. You know, it depends on what they leave in their Drawers. But I noticed there. Yeah, sometimes. Yeah, we set an engagement ring. I know that somebody in Nebuthoon wanted an engagement ring one time and as a matter of fact, there was a. There was a girl who I really liked. She had a great voice. She wanted an entire desk from the sales department and a chair with the entire computer system. It was tough smuggling and out of here. But, you know, where there's a will, there's a way. Let's see who's going to play the game. We have Scott, who's up in Peabody. Hi, Scott. [00:03:25] Speaker B: Hi. How are you doing? Norm, how are you? [00:03:26] Speaker C: I'm doing just fine, thank you. How about you? You all set? You feel like you're going to win today? Well, I won twice before. Let's give it a shot. Okay, good. Here's another. Scott. This is Scott, who's over in Northborough. Hi, Norm, how are you? Good, good, thank you. Have I talked with you before? Yeah, we talked quite a few times over the summer. Oh, that's right. Did I ask you if you knew Parker Swan iii? Sure did. Your town moderator there. [00:03:52] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:03:53] Speaker C: Do you know him? I do know him. Oh, you do know him. Okay, well, he's a drunk and a drug addict, so watch out for him. He's got to love me saying that. A great name, though. No, he's great. Parker Swan III sounds like some stuffy old blue blood. And he's not. He's not at all. He's a magician and he's retired now, but he's a moderator in Northborough, which is out your way. Also Steve, which is in the Worcester area. And anyway, a very nice man. Kristen, in Dorchester, you talk about young ladies with sexy voices. This is Kristen. [00:04:24] Speaker B: Good morning, Norm. [00:04:26] Speaker C: How you doing, Kristen? [00:04:27] Speaker B: Oh, I'm very excited. Those Red Sox are great, aren't they? [00:04:31] Speaker C: Do you have pennant fever? [00:04:33] Speaker B: Oh, big time. [00:04:34] Speaker C: Yeah. You can't. It's hard not to get excited, even if they deserv. They make. They make the game fun. How would it be to live in Cleveland where the Indians are about 973 games behind and have. No, no. They get nobody into the stands. Red Sox, even when they lose, though, they make life exciting. [00:04:52] Speaker B: Well, at least if you're really a big fan of Cleveland, you have automatic front row seats. [00:04:58] Speaker C: That's right, too. You can get a ticket the night of the ball game. A very good ticket the night of the ball game. The Red Sox are kind of funny, though. They're playing. They look like the Pawtucket Red Sox now. They've got all Their young guys are in there. Wayne Boggs did not play. And Wayne Boggs. How do you get the name Wayne? How about Wade Boggs? Wade Boggs still sounds like a country and western singer to me. And also, Greenwell will be out for another few days. So anyway, we're talking baseball when we want to talk. Dumb birthday game stuff, eh, Kristen? Well, okay. Here's Richard, who's here in Boston, who will be playing with us. This is your not so stuffy Richard Blue blood. That's right, too. And you're a real blue blood. Absolutely. That's right. You live right up on the hill and you own a lot of Mount Vernon street stuff. You got that right. Okay. Good to have you with us. And Tony is here, of course. Hi, Tony. Hello. Tony Nesbitt, our producer, who's all the way in the control room, has to call us to get on the air. What's that? I've got tennant fever, but I'm rubbing some Gold Bond on it right now. And if it gets in your sneaker, you know what to use for that. Exactly. Okay. We also have with us the very lovely Jack Hart, who's taken time out from observing wall washing and bulb changing. Yes, indeed. You know, Norm, I don't have corns or bunions, but when I take off my little booties, I could wilt the forest. So I understand the last time you took off your sneakers, it caused an entire backup of traffic. They had to wash all the walls and all the toilets. That's right. The walls started peeling. The dirt start peeling right off the walls. They didn't have to worry about washing them anymore. Bulbs changed themselves, as I recall, too. Steve Lavelli, who's left over from the David Bradner show, is actually in between programs. His own show, which goes on at noon. Yes. And the David Brugner show, which went off about two and a half hours ago. I'm just going to stay here. You might as well. This is where. If you're here during the day, you know what goes on then it's really. Well, never mind. Management's after that. That's right. It's nice to have you take part in the game. I appreciate you. It's great. And I'd like to say hi to all the guys at Bob's Barber Shop in Worcester. Is that so? It really is at Bob's Barbershop. That's where I get my 24 hour barbershop. That's right. No, it's not 24 hours. It's only 10 hours. But they don't open till midnight. They're not doing much of a business and they can't figure out why. Okay, here's. We thought that things would be going at a mighty clip, but they're not. Okay, here's a. We'll start first of all on the. And Harry, maybe we won't start the game. Oh, we just talk. We'll start first of all with the man who's made a big name for himself in Dallas, the son of Mary Martin. He was on before that I Dream of Jeannie. It's funny to watch the transformation from I Dream of Jeannie, where he was kind of a nerd, to Dallas, where he's a big time operator who frightens everybody. Larry Hagman, ladies and gentlemen, is the fella I'm talking about. And he may be on the program a little bit later this morning. But anyway, Larry Hagman, you know that there's a statue of his mother, Mary Martin in her hometown. This is true. As Peter Pan in her hometown of Texas. I forget what the town is. Do you know the town Dallas? No, it's a. Very sorry, I never thought of that. It was too obvious. I couldn't help now. So this is the anniversary of the 1938 hurricane, eh? Anyway, he is 53 today. That's my guess. 53 years old. Correct. Then you win the prize. Okay, Scott from Peabody, how old is Larry Hagman on this very day? 51. 51 years old. Okay. And Scott from Northborough, what do you say? I say 53. Okay. Would you call C. Parker Swan III, ask him what he thinks. [00:09:14] Speaker B: Sure. [00:09:14] Speaker C: Never mind. I changed my mind. Kristen, what do you to say? [00:09:19] Speaker B: Well, I'll say round 60. [00:09:22] Speaker C: Round 60. It sounds like a Thelonious Monk tune. It begins to something. Round 60. Round 60. So you don't know jazz all that much. So you don't know what it is I'm doing, but what the heck. I got it. Okay. If we did, I don't think we can. Richard, in Boston, how old is Larry Hagman? I would say 58. 58, okay. Oh, Scott Northborough. It's interesting you said 53. He would have been born the day of the hurricane. Exactly. You're okay. I wonder if he remembers that. We should call him. Let's give him a call. Tony. I'll say 52 because 52 women. Am I getting this right? I gotta make sure I get this right because at the day of the hurricane I figured maybe Mary and her husband at the time they were inside during the hurricane. That's right. Nine months later it was 50. Yeah, it's 52. That would make sense, wouldn't it? Well, you mean his birthday wouldn't be for another three quarters of a year? Well, he would have had a head. His mother would have had a 12 month pregnancy. The way I figured it out. That's how I'm figuring it. I'm figuring nine months from now is into the next year, right? Yeah. So drop it, Tony. I suppose any mother who plays Peter Pan, a boy you know, can, can, can deliver until maybe there was no one involved. Yeah, sort of like the earthworm. Yeah, that's right. [00:10:56] Speaker B: Boy, doesn't that blow you away? [00:11:02] Speaker C: Hey, Kristen, I thought you were this. You have. You're a little sense of reason here. You've gone crazy like all the rest of these ginks have. Okay, Steve. Steve Lavelli, what do you think? 57. 57. You notice when he came on really positive, just like a talk host. They're like that. Boy, I can't. That's why I can't stand them. Jack. Jack Hyde. What do you say? 54. 54. Okay. Okay. Now, ladies and gentlemen, let's check the birth records in Dallas, Texas for Larry Hagman. And his actual age is 60. Kristen has won that round. Exactly what Kristen said. 60. Very good, Kristen. Very, very good. Very good. [00:11:53] Speaker B: Thank you. Normal. Very happy. [00:11:55] Speaker C: Okay. Okay. How about the Bill Murray? I don't think we have to describe him to you. Ghostbusters, Ghostbusters 2, Saturday Night Live. Ton of other movies too. He was. Can you name any more? Oh, he was. He was in Tootsie. I thought. I thought that was his best role of all. I forget some of the lines. That's one of my favorite movies. Anyway. Dustin Harpin and Jessica Lange. Whole, whole gang of people. Anyway, Bill Murray was at first rate. He was his roommate, wasn't he? He was Dustin Harpin's roommate. Okay, let's start with the Jack Hart this time. How old is Bill Murray? On September 21st, this very day, this very day, [00:12:35] Speaker B: he. [00:12:41] Speaker C: Pardon me. My rash is red and blotchy and I was just scratching it. Oh, what a lovely picture. That fake. I think I'm going to be nauseous. I'm going to say he's 39. That's Jack. Wait a minute. You're not going to say. You're not going to say he's 39. I mean, you know. Okay, go write that down. 39. Oh, Rochester. Anyway, Steve, what do you think? I say 42. 42. And Tony? [00:13:24] Speaker D: 42. [00:13:25] Speaker C: 42 also. Yes. [00:13:26] Speaker B: 42. [00:13:27] Speaker C: 2. Okay. Playing trains, Richard, what do you say? 44. 44. 44. Okay, Kristen. [00:13:39] Speaker B: I think I'll stick with Jack and his itchy rash and say so. I think I like that itchy rash. [00:13:49] Speaker C: Well, you know, any woman you see who likes an itchy rash is okay in my book. 39. [00:14:01] Speaker B: I just may supply the gold balm. [00:14:03] Speaker C: Oh, I can feel the tingly feeling already. That's right. Imagine if you. That's the only product that gives you instances satisfaction. If you had a. If you had a date with Jack Hart. I think he would so appreciate you as a beautiful young woman coming along with your own gold bond. Sprinkle me from head to toe. Oh, what a. What a night of. Of sheer raw lust. That would be raw scratching his rash. [00:14:29] Speaker B: I probably pass out before I got there. [00:14:32] Speaker C: Oh, he digs that. He digs that. That's probably because he's got to take his shoes off. Because my shoes. [00:14:41] Speaker B: Out of those lusty feet. [00:14:42] Speaker C: I'll see you all on the unemployment line on Monday. You realize if a management is listening to this man, I'm a dead duck. Sure, you can laugh. You don't have to. You don't have to support a horse, some chickens, dogs and cats. [00:14:57] Speaker B: No, no, we'll stick up for you. Oh, yeah, we'll protest outside in the parking lot. [00:15:03] Speaker C: I hope that'll be. Yeah, that's right. [00:15:06] Speaker B: Well, we'll take off our shoes. [00:15:09] Speaker C: That'll do it. That'll do it. Scott, in Northborough, what do you think? How old is Bill Murray? 41. 41. And Scott, what do you say in peabody? I say 43. No, 43. Okay, okay. Here's the answer now, ladies and gentlemen, I have no idea what that means. How do you do that? How do we do that sound? [00:15:39] Speaker D: Don't. [00:15:40] Speaker C: Don't clap because you shut up the station. The station's hooked up to one of those. Okay, the actual age. The actual age of Bill Murray is 41. Scott. Scott said that just so quickly. Exactly. [00:15:55] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:15:55] Speaker C: You know, exactly. So we have. Scott from Northborough has one and Kristen has one. As we go to Hamilton Jordan. Do you remember Hamilton Jordan? Yes. He was in the Jimmy Carter administration. A well known cocaine user. Do you remember that whole controversy? I'm serious. I forgot. That's right too. He did mention that. That's right. He was the White House. Also the White House chief of staff. So North Carolina. He had a southern accent. He shows up a lot on tv. Or else would a cocaine abuser be at the White House. Sometimes I wish George Bush would Be a cocaine abuser. They make him a little more interesting. Maybe he is. Oh, that'd be too hope for Kristen. How old do you think Hamilton Jordan is? And it's spelled like it should be Jordan, but somehow he pronounces it Jordan because he was on cocaine. [00:16:51] Speaker B: What year was he on cocaine? [00:16:53] Speaker C: I'm sorry, I missed his folks around cocaine. Which is why they. They pronounce it Jordan. [00:17:01] Speaker B: What was he. What year? [00:17:03] Speaker C: Did you say what year? No, he was in the. I won't tell you the year, but I'll tell you that he was with the. With Jimmy Carter. [00:17:09] Speaker B: Okay, I'll say 58. [00:17:15] Speaker C: 58. Okay. And Richard in Boston, what do you say? Let's go with an even 60. An even 60. Okay. Scott and Peabody, let's say 64. And Scott of Northborough, 59. And Tony, 61. And Jack? 53. 53. 53. That's so cool. 53. And Steve, what do you think? 59. 59. Okay. Same as Scott from Northborough. You guys are on the Worcester area. All stick together. He's got one right before, so I'm going with him. Oh, I see. I have no idea. Okay. Actually, Hamilton Jordan. Complain as if he was on cocaine. I can't understand it, honey. I lie here and everything spins around like funny. Anyway, Hamilton Jordan is actually only 47 years old today. Seems like that. That has to be wrong. But he looks older because of all the cocaine. But I'll check both sources. No, I only have one source for him. Anyway, 47 years old is correct. Which means that Jack hart, who said 53 and although not even anywhere close, is the winner. [00:18:51] Speaker B: Well, shouldn't he only get a half a point? Especially with those feet. He should be disqualified. [00:19:01] Speaker C: I get extra credit for the sock plant. [00:19:05] Speaker B: That makes up for everything. [00:19:08] Speaker C: Okay. Remember Henry Gibson? Yes, he was on Laughing. He used to be. He was in the McConaughter administration too, wasn't he? Yeah. Henry Gibson. That's right. He took he and Bill Murray. As a matter of fact, he used to eat mushrooms. Henry Gibson does straight acting. He's run on a fair amount of things from time to time. But best known maybe for Laugh in where he did these little poems. And now a poem. Remember he used to. By Henry Gibson. By Henry Gibson, that's right. Okay, let's start with. Let's see. Let's start with Scott from Peabody on this one. How old is Henry Gibson on this very day? 45. 45. And Scott from Northborough. 47. 47. And Krista from Dorchester and her orchestra [00:19:56] Speaker B: well, I'll say 56. [00:20:02] Speaker C: 56. Okay. And Richard, I would say at least 60. At least 60. And Tony says 52. 52. And Steve? 62. 62. Gotta be fun to tune you in at noon today. See if you'd stay away. I'll sound 62. Well, actually, you'll get a fair amount of sleep because you're sleeping out in the parking lot, aren't you? What used to be the incredible broadcast machine, it's been converted into condominiums now. Don't tell anybody that. [00:20:37] Speaker B: All right. [00:20:37] Speaker D: Would you get it? [00:20:37] Speaker C: Would you get a newspaper to stuff in your shirt and out there on the lawn? Could do that. You could do that. Returns you on Jack. Sure. Just make sure you put it in your traffic reports to somebody in the parking lot. Yeah. Causing a curiosity. Traffic on Soldiers Field Road has slowed down. And what do you think, Jeff? Change out that window. How old is Henry Gibson? 53. 53. Okay, now it's time to check the actual birth records and find out how old he is. Oh, that is just so darn pretty. We have his actual birth certificate here. Yeah, we have it here. We got it from the Germantown, Pennsylvania city clerk. Dusty. And it says he is 56 years old today, which is what Chr. Kristen said. Kristen has another one. Did you notice that? Kristen, you have another one? [00:21:35] Speaker B: Yes. [00:21:35] Speaker C: Whatever it is. Okay. Okay. So at the moment we have Kristen leading the pack with two. Scott has. Scott Northborough has one, and Jack Hart has one. And the. The rest are better. Check that, Jack, you may have two. I did. When I left the house, I thought Jack had too. [00:21:57] Speaker B: Well, with that itchy rash. [00:22:00] Speaker C: Scratched it off. Are we getting smutty? Are we getting smutty? Is it bad enough that I'm in bad trouble with this whole thing anyway without the smut coming up? Okay, how about Stephen King, the writer of all kinds of mystery stuff, Misery and the Shining? And did you get to see Misery the movie? Oh, that is a great movie. With James Caan and Kathy Bates. Kathy Bates, who won. Did she win the Academy Award for that? That's a great movie. Did you get to see that, Kristen? No, my wife saw it. Did she like. Oh, do I get a point for it? Was it really a weird movie? They had a guy playing the part of the sheriff. I don't. I can't remember what his name was. He was excellent. I just thought I'd like to see it. It's supposed to be a great film. Yeah, it is. It is. It is. It is not supposed to be. It Is it is. I know great films when I see them. Okay, let's start with Jack Hart on this one. How old is Stephen King? He's. He's relatively young. He's like 44. 44, man. Okay. And Steve, what do you say? 43. 43. I see at that. 43 guess had nothing to do with Jack saying 43. Had a lot to do with it, actually. You're an honest person. An honest but very dependent person upon other people. I know. I'm trying to work on that. I hope he's not in his 60s. We're both fools. Tony, what do you say? My guess has nothing to do with either of them. [00:23:38] Speaker D: 42. [00:23:43] Speaker C: I see. Okay, Richard, I'm gonna say 44. 44. Okay. The same as Jack said. Yeah. Okay. Kristen, what do you say? [00:23:55] Speaker B: And I'm going to say 44. [00:23:58] Speaker C: You're going to say 44. Also 44. Okay. Scott in Northborough, 43. And Scott in Peabody. I'm gonna go 43, too. Okay, 43. So we have three 43s and three 44s, but nothing in your size. Steve, thanks so much. I think the width will help you, but the length is much too long anyway. I want a 44 long. Okay. Here's the actual birth. The actual. What am I saying? The actual age, I think is the word I'm groping for. He's 86. [00:24:41] Speaker B: Oh, my. Are they looking at y' all rash, Jack? [00:24:45] Speaker C: Darn rash. [00:24:46] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:24:48] Speaker C: Matter of fact, that's how. That's how Stephen King gets his ideas for mystery, for ugliness, for nastiness, for total horror and terror. Looking at Jack's rash. [00:25:01] Speaker B: Boy, can you send out some pictures? [00:25:05] Speaker C: I've got eight by tens at home. [00:25:06] Speaker B: Oh, how much? [00:25:08] Speaker C: Oh, there's about a hundred of them. An autographed picture of Jack's rash. [00:25:14] Speaker B: Oh, boy. It's autographed. [00:25:16] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:25:18] Speaker C: Scratch and sniff at the bottom, boys. Hey, does anybody care how old Stephen King is? [00:25:24] Speaker B: Sure. [00:25:24] Speaker C: Why not? No, that's kind of irrelevant. Stephen King's actual age is. Oh, that's what you already did. It's a mystery. I just screamed. Yeah, that's right. You did the screams and everything. Already 44. So as winners, we. Kristen. [00:25:42] Speaker B: Thank you, Jack. [00:25:43] Speaker C: Oh, anytime, Richard. Dirty pig. And Jack Hart. We had three winners there. So before we go into our very last birthday guest. Oh, good. The feeling seems to be mixed. I detect. Anyway, let me just run through the scores. So far. We have Kristen, who has. Has three correct answers. Who was leading the pack? Jack Hart, not too far behind. He has two. Richard has one correct answer and so does Scott from Northborough. Is there a home version of the game, Norm? There's a computer version, yes. They're playing it all over the Merrimack Valley. An aversion to taking the car with little magnetic birthdays. Incidentally, before I give you the next one, I must tell you again that any rebroadcast or other use of the accounts and descriptions of the stun birthday game without the express written consent of WBC and the American League are highly unlikely. It's prohibited. A lot of people are doing this, particularly in areas where admissions is being charged. On a screen. And mechanical reproduction stuff. Yeah. And diamond vision colorization and everything. It's terrible. Yeah. No, not colorize the birthday game. No, just stay in black and white as it was meant to be. That's right. Ted Turner wanted to do that. And I said to him, I said, look, Ted, you may have all the money in the world, but I have a certain kind of conscience. You know what I'm saying? How much can you pay me anyway? Duke, here's one that's kind of difficult. Although everything's been difficult. No, this. That's right too. For you it has been. Tony, I'm sorry about that, but you usually do. Okay. We all have an off night. I'm having a grand old time, so it doesn't. As long as it's fun. As long as it's fun. Okay, we're gonna break out the pickles and coleslaw soon. Glad I came in. We're gonna make things in the studio as aromatic and smelly. Jack, come on down for Ray Brown. When he begins his program at 5:30. He won't be able to. Anyway. I think I'll just stay here to meet him. [00:28:11] Speaker B: Okay. [00:28:13] Speaker C: Okay. This is a man who. He's on the Arts and Entertainment Network as a news. Does special news programs, documentaries and stuff. Was on CBS and as a matter of fact, I believe was on cbs. He did a morning show with Diane Sawyer when she was still there. Bill Curtis is his name, you know, he's written some books. He also quit CBS to go back to Chicago to a local station. Interesting man, Bill Curtis. Very, very bright. And when the two of them were on, I thought it was an interesting program because I love to look at Diane Sawyer. Do you like to look at it too, Kristen? She has this ugly rash. [00:28:51] Speaker B: Oh, yes, I do. You're bad. [00:28:56] Speaker C: I like her, but she was Ron Ziegler's assistant in the White House. So that's two points. Well, that's right. She was actually a friend of Richard Nixon. I never understood that. I saw her on a train station in England once. Diane Sawyer. I said to my wife, there's a woman over there looks just like Diane Sawyer. She says, that is Diane Sawyer, you idiot. My wife and I have a very close relationship like that. Yeah, I notice you don't get along too particularly well. And that's where you're at the station. [00:29:22] Speaker A: That's right. [00:29:23] Speaker C: That's what I understand. You haven't gone home yet. That's right. You're not coming home, idiot. Are you? I know you need at least 15 hours sleep. Otherwise, you're nothing. Okay, Bill Curtis, let's start with. Let's see. Who will we start with this time? Let's start with Scott from Peabody. This. This time. Bill Curtis. He spells it Curtis, incidentally, with a K instead of a C. I thought that really pronounced it that way. Yes, they did. They pronounced the name. They pronounced the name Curtis. Bill Curtis. And if you say he's 39, I won't believe you anyway. How old is Bill Curtis? I don't know who he is. I'm just gonna trick a stab at it. [00:30:08] Speaker B: 46. [00:30:08] Speaker C: 46. Okay. If you don't know somebody, is that the kind of the standard age you get? [00:30:15] Speaker B: Old? [00:30:15] Speaker C: I don't even know who he is. Okay, Scott Northborough, who's 53. 53. And Kristen, did you pick that up from Jack? Yeah. That rash, can you do wall watching and bulb changing? Do you know how to say that really like Jack? No, no one says it like Jack. [00:30:36] Speaker B: Nobody can imitate Jack's voice. That's one in a trillion. Okay, I'll say 55. [00:30:47] Speaker C: 55, okay. How old are you? Krishna? You're 21. [00:30:51] Speaker B: 20. [00:30:51] Speaker C: 20. And Jack, you're not much older than that. You're about 30 or 28. I'll be 30 in a couple of weeks, as a matter of fact. Yeah. It's all downhill from there. All downhill from there. No, but I was just trying to think whether Kristen and Jack might make an interesting pair. Of what? A pair of what? [00:31:12] Speaker B: A pair of itchy rashes. [00:31:15] Speaker C: I'm a lot older than 30. That'd be a great name for a rock group, wouldn't it? If we were both artists, we could be a pair of drawers. If you're both in the medical profession, you can be a paradox. I knew of. I knew a boxer once is they used to call him Kid Underwear because his bouts all ended in drawers. But that's a whole thing of another Stuff. Anyway, Richard in Boston. Richard says Kristen's probably right at 55, but I'm gonna say 56. 56. Just cause he's that way. She's won. That's right. He's not gonna let a girl tell him what to do. Oh, sure, Tony, 54. 54. And Steve. I think 54 sounds good. I'll go with that. 54 sounds good. I'll go with that. Okay. And you can quote me. Jack, what do you say? Do you know, in Italian it's actually Curtis. In Italian it's Curtis. K, U r T I S K. Oh, I thought it was a even. No, no, it would be a church even with a C. You see, a C is like a ch in Italian when it's followed by an I or an e, not by a u. Oh, hold on. If he spelled it. If he spelled it C E R, T I s. Say that one more time. Or C I, T I. [00:32:41] Speaker B: So intelligent. [00:32:42] Speaker C: It'd be Curtis. But no, no, CU would be Curtis. I'm sorry to be such a smart ass. I don't. I don't mean that. But you know, I said that on the air. Yeah, no, that's okay. [00:32:58] Speaker B: Well, all the radios are turned off by now anyway. [00:33:03] Speaker C: If anybody was listening to this program. You think I'd still be doing it? We're having our own little party. Let Norm do it. Nobody listens that time of the night anyway. What the heck, he's an old guy. Okay, Jack, how old is Bill Curtis? Well, I'll go along with Kristen and say 55. Okay, 55. Now let's check the actual age of Guillermo Curtis. I can't even remember my answer. I don't even know why this is being played. He's not in the movie Species on television. Okay. Bill Curtis is actually 51 years old, which means that Scott up in Northborough at 53. Hold on a minute while I check here. Yeah, he'd be the closest. 53. Yeah. Scott, son of a gun. You came from behind to win the second time around. Well, you see, Norm, I think I should just get an extra point because today, September 21st, is also my birthday. Is it really? It really is. Can we guess how old you are? Happy birthday. I. I'd say you're 26. Anybody else want to guess Scott's age? 24? 33, 25. [00:34:24] Speaker B: 29. [00:34:25] Speaker C: Oh, 25. I was the closest. I finally. Finally. You finally got around. Thanks, Scott. And it didn't even matter. I did 24, right? And you said 26. Oh, it's a tie. So I finally won. No one was right. I didn't actually. I didn't write down any of your answers. I didn't. So I don't know who said what. There's gonna be a riot between us. I suppose I could do one more. We have a whole lot of commercials between now and. We've already canceled the 3:30 stuff. How about. No, we don't have too much. Oh, look, look what's at the bottom. Our favorite. Oh, we'll follow it. Yeah, right. With the Itchy Rash commercial. Smelly sneakers. I think it'. [00:35:09] Speaker D: No, we got three. [00:35:10] Speaker C: Three. [00:35:10] Speaker B: No, no, I'm gonna. [00:35:11] Speaker C: Three and a half minutes. [00:35:12] Speaker B: The other day I was watching TV and I actually saw a Gold Bond commercial on tv. [00:35:20] Speaker C: Holy crow. [00:35:21] Speaker B: It was the greatest thing because I could like recite every word of it from wbz. [00:35:27] Speaker C: It's the same. The same copy as on radio. [00:35:30] Speaker B: Well, some of the words just. The man that had the very itchy rash was a different man. [00:35:37] Speaker C: Well, they had Itchy Rash auditions at the Hotel Lennox. [00:35:43] Speaker D: Yeah. [00:35:44] Speaker C: If anybody with that itchy rash would you recommend at 10 o' clock in the morning. Big bucks. The big bucks in store if you can make it for a commercial. You know what they say. Joan Cantwell. But I always wanted to know what Joan Cantwell. I thought. I see. Well, maybe we should just wrap up the. I was going to give you one more, but I think. Well, I don't know. Everyone's. They're the same age, so Steve and I could get one. I have to grovel. I'm sorry. All right, I tell you what. I'll give you. I'm trying to. I'm trying to. A lot of these people are not. Not really known. Many of them are dead. It's not very good. In fact, one died during the birthday game itself. I think we were doing Hamilton Jordan and mentioned cocaine and the guy passed away during that. But do anybody know Fanny Flagg? Yeah. [00:36:39] Speaker D: Oh, sure. [00:36:39] Speaker C: She was on the Dick Van Dyke Show. I saw her today. I waved. All right, let's do a Fannie Flagg whose real name. At least let's run it up the pole. She's flying high in her. I'm writing this stuff down. At least nobody's done jokes about the Fanny part of her name. She's always the butt of jokes. Whoops. I guess I missed on that one. Okay, let's. We'll do Fanny Flack, whose name was Frances Carlton, actress, comedienne. She was also in Five Easy Pieces, the movie, and also Grease. I Thought she was a thick hand. Unassembled for a moment. You could do her. Any dairy. Came with easy directions. That's right. Okay, let's start with. Let's start with Jack Hart. Now, on this one, Fanny Flagg. How old would you say she is? Well, you know, she used to like to go to that part of Massachusetts and take in the derriere. That is the most stupid joke. Why are you guys laughing? We can't believe he did it. Let's see. She's got to be. She's got to be 62 by now. 62. Okay. What do you say, Steve? Oh, I don't know if she's that old. Let me see. I mean, not that that's old, but I just meant, you know. [00:38:09] Speaker B: Sorry. [00:38:09] Speaker C: Norm. Norm. Lunges over the console. I think I'm gonna throw up. That's not quite how I read it to come out, but I'll say 55. 55. [00:38:23] Speaker B: Okay. [00:38:25] Speaker C: What do you say, Tony? I wasn't even thinking about my own age. Why did you bring that up? I thought it'd be funny. And they're all laughing, aren't they? Suppose if you can be humorous at this time of the morning, you might be helping some lonely soul somewhere. [00:38:40] Speaker B: Let's go, Tony. You got to come from behind. That took a lot of time. [00:38:51] Speaker C: Yeah, but you got it in the end. Thank you very much, ladies and gentlemen. Thank you very much. What kind of a crack is that anyway? I think now. Oh, you're straight from the bottom on that one. Yeah, we're starting to tread very dangerous grounds here. Tell me, Tony, how old is Fanny Flagg? [00:39:13] Speaker B: 58. [00:39:15] Speaker C: 58? [00:39:17] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:39:19] Speaker C: Richard. 63. 63. I feel like I'm. Can you imagine somebody tuning in now in Nebraska and just hitting people? Six people on the air laughing like. What have I missed? There's not enough oxygen in the building anymore. It'll make a great end. We ought to be taping this. Then we can put it on and say yes. All news radio doesn't have to be serious. [00:39:53] Speaker B: They must have fell on their butt over that one. [00:39:56] Speaker C: Oh, you're not going to give up with this thing at all, are you, Krishna? Just tell me how old you think. I don't know who he talking about? Fanny Flag. How old is she, Kristen? [00:40:11] Speaker B: Well, 62. [00:40:15] Speaker C: 62. [00:40:17] Speaker B: Oh, sorry. Jack said that. Oh, well, yeah. [00:40:20] Speaker C: You want to say 62 anyway. [00:40:22] Speaker B: I'll say 63. [00:40:24] Speaker C: 63. Same as Richard. Oh, so you want to change it again, do you? [00:40:30] Speaker B: I'm not all confused here. I don't know what I'm doing. So I'll keep 60. [00:40:34] Speaker C: Okay. Scott in Northborough. I'll say 63. 63. Yeah. [00:40:39] Speaker B: Okay. [00:40:40] Speaker C: And Scott? [00:40:42] Speaker B: 61. [00:40:42] Speaker C: No, 61. Okay. Oh, I don't think she's that old. I didn't think she was that young. Okay, let's check the birth records. Let's see where she was born. [00:40:56] Speaker B: 1. [00:41:01] Speaker C: He couldn't find your grand old Flag, but this will surprise. That's right. Or is it your grand old Fanny? I don't remember. Jack Hart actually cackles. He doesn't like he cackles. It's true. [00:41:21] Speaker B: I think he's gonna have to take a couple weeks off after this one. [00:41:26] Speaker C: Yeah. At the request of the management. Okay, here's the answer. You can fade that out. That's okay. Fanny flag actually is 47. She's a lot younger than any of you. What did I tell you? What did I tell you? So the one. The one who. Yeah, she seems like she should be older than that, but no, 47 is probably accurate. You said 58, which may be the closest. No, no, I said 55. That's right. Steve said 55 because I knew she wasn't that old. Oh, shut up, Fannie Flagg is. Yeah, you. You were still eight years off, so don't be too proud of your answer. Kristen is being hoisted onto the shoulders of all the kids here in the team canteen and paraded around the room. Actually, this was a difficult team getting one right. Okay, so Kristen is the winner with three. And Scott from Northborough did very well with two. And Jack Hart had two. And. And almost everybody else had one except you, Tony, and you could have just standing there scratching. Okay, so I want to thank you all for joining us. Scott and Peabody, thank you very much. All right, thank you very much. And Scott and Northborough, I appreciate having you with us. Thank you very much. Okay, and I'm sorry, cut them a little too fast. That's enough from Scott. Richard, you're welcome. You're welcome. Hey, thanks a lot. Take care. And Tony, it was a pleasure. It certainly was. Okay, Steve, now you can go to sleep. Thank you very much. Okay, and we'll listen to you at noon. Except I just may be sleeping myself at that time. I'm not really sure. Depends on just how itchy my rash is. [00:43:32] Speaker B: Okay, don't forget the gold bomb. [00:43:34] Speaker C: Don't forget to watch Gold Bond. Gold Bond. That's right. Hey, Jack. Jack Hart. Stay tuned and we'll get back to you in about 6 minutes, 10 minutes or so. [00:43:44] Speaker B: Okay, Jack, Send me a picture of that rash. [00:43:49] Speaker C: Take care. And Kristen, hang in there and talk with Tony and take your name and address, and we'll send you whatever I can steal. It's really reasonable or it may be tacky. I'm not sure. [00:43:59] Speaker B: Thank you, Norm. I'm very, very happy. [00:44:03] Speaker C: You're a happy woman, eh? [00:44:04] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:44:05] Speaker C: Okay. Okay. Ladies and gentlemen, and a tribute to this swell game. Here it is. [00:44:11] Speaker D: Shone Cantwell of Brockton, Massachusetts, is telling us about her skin problems. [00:44:15] Speaker B: I had developed a skin rash. Ew. And the rash was red, itchy, very uncomfortable. At its worst. It was painful. It was very irritating. [00:44:27] Speaker D: But Joan Cantwell got relief using Triple Action Gold Bond medicated powder. [00:44:32] Speaker B: The Gold Bond powder has a nice, clean feel to it. There's a cooling sensation at the end of the day. Area that was irritating in the morning is no longer irritating. [00:44:42] Speaker D: Gold Bond's triple action is like three great powders in one. It has the absorbing action of powder, the medicating action of a proven itch fighter, and the drying action of zinc oxide. That's Triple Action Gold Bond. [00:44:56] Speaker B: It's gone. Completely gone. The itching in the area of the rash was taken care of. It doesn't itch anymore. I don't use any other powder. Buckle bomb. [00:45:06] Speaker D: Try Triple action Gold Bond medicated Powder. Use only as directed. Available at cvs Today's neighborhood drugstore. [00:45:13] Speaker C: I don't have corns or bunions, but it feels like there's a fire inside my sneakers. My feet feel hot, sticky and sore. [00:45:21] Speaker D: And they smell as bad as they feel. Use keep it in your sneaker. It relieves sore, burning feet. Stops odors, too. [00:45:28] Speaker C: What is it? [00:45:29] Speaker D: Keep it in your sneaker is a specially formulated powder for common foot problems like yours. It starts in seconds to put out the fire. You feel its special ingredients working to cool and soothe your feet. [00:45:40] Speaker C: That's terrific. That's not all. [00:45:42] Speaker D: Keep it in your sneaker Helps break the cycle of friction, sweating and discomfort. [00:45:46] Speaker C: How? [00:45:47] Speaker D: Your feet are loaded with sweat glands. Friction causes more sweating. Excess moisture can cause problems. Even athletes foot fungi. [00:45:54] Speaker C: What's keep it in your sneaker do? [00:45:56] Speaker D: Helps break the cycle by reducing friction. Then by drying out excess moisture. [00:46:01] Speaker C: How long does it work? [00:46:02] Speaker D: As long as you're working out. Just shake it in your socks and sneakers and on your feet. [00:46:07] Speaker C: Feels great. I'll use it every day. [00:46:09] Speaker D: Keep it in your sneaker powder. Relieve sore, burning feet. Stop sodors too. Use only as directed. Available at all Brooks drugstores. [00:46:18] Speaker C: Big hole up the middle. [00:46:19] Speaker B: Touchdown. [00:46:19] Speaker C: John Bond Prior Wide open touchdown. A F in touchdown. Here's end zone. Wide open touchdown. [00:46:25] Speaker B: And we watched the game on TV [00:46:27] Speaker C: and we listened to Gil on the radio. Tomorrow afternoon the Patriots take on the Oilers in Foxborough. This is Gil Santos. Join Gino Cappelletti and me tomorrow morning at 11 o' clock for the tailgate party. 1 o' clock kickoff for the Patriots and Oilers right here on your big time football station, WBC AM 1030. Okay, it's two minutes before 4 o' clock and we're just having a whole lot of fun here. Golly jeekers. We'll have news in a couple of minutes. I'd like take some more phone calls. Okay. And since all the lines are used up when we play the dumb birthday game means that right now when we start playing it, all the lines are open. So if I might hear from you, I would appreciate that very very much. 2, 5, 4, 10, 30. Again, if you're wondering about the Toronto Blue Jays, they did lose to Oakland in the 11th inning 6 to 5 while the Red Sox beat the New York Yankees 2 to nothing. And that means of course that the Red Sox have gained a game and they're now one and a half games, just a and a half behind the division leading Blue Jays. So that's exciting. We'll run through maybe some of the other scores if you feel like it but actually I think those are the two most important games except for Detroit. Detroit lost. So they're, but they have, they really haven't been a factor in a while and that means that they have slipped even further behind. Anyway, that's the whole picture. News coming up in about a minute we'll find out what's happening throughout the world and then we'll be here for the final opinion. And right after the 5 o' clock news will be Warren Shepard with countryside and then Ray Brown will be talking issues with you. Can you imagine that? He's going to act like a big grown up and discuss real issues and be serious and probably come in here with a tie and egg like that anyway. And a lot of lot of good things happening around the clock and you'll hear them all here on WBZ. Again, it's 2 5, 4, 10 30. The area code is 617. You can ask us how do we get that kind of an exciting erotic area code? It's because we paid the telephone company plenty under the table for that, thank you very much but I think I've said quite enough, thank you. Wbz, Boston's news station brings you up to the minute. News, weather and traffic as it happens depend on your 24 hour news source. WBZ AM 1030. [00:48:59] Speaker B: Let's check the exclusive WBC AccuWeather forecast. [00:49:02] Speaker C: Here's meteorologist Jay Shulman. Overnight it'll be hazy, warm and muggy with a shower or thunderstorm in the area. Toward dawn or Saturday morning. Low overnight 74 to 78. Saturday afternoon will be windy with some sunshine. The humidity will lower. High 84. Brisk and much cooler. Saturday night, low 56 to 60. Looking ahead to Sunday, windy and cool with sunshine and a few clouds. High only 69. Labor Day will start chilly. Then sunshine will boost the temperature to a high of 69 for Tuesday. A mixture of clouds and sunshine. It will be warmer. High 80. This is meteorologist Jay Shulman at the weather station WBZ AM 1030. Boston's temperature now is 73 degrees. And the traffic is in the capable hands of Jack High, WBC 24 hour traffic network. I feel like Allstate. Capable hands, yes. Yeah, yeah. Indeed. What's happening out there? I don't know why he asked that question. Such a stupid question. Why don't I just say, here's Jack Hart with the traffic information that you need to know. Thank you. Thank you. Do we need to leave early in order to face some of the traffic jams that are clogging our highways? Is traffic on the Mystic Tobin Bridge, Is it backed up to the last curve in Chelsea? Is it backed up. Backed all the way up to Monument Square in Somerville as it comes into the. The split? Yes, indeed. It certainly is. It certainly is. It all the way back to the Poncet gas tanks as it comes into Boston. Yep. And it's giving people gas. Indeed. All right. Sorry I brought that whole thing. It's like arterial sclerosis out there. Nor we've got clogged arteries no matter where you turn. Oh, I get it. Thank you. You can light up the entitlement traffic report right with that here. I think people have gotten the idea there was not a whole lot going on at the moment. Do you want to waste their time with the bulb changing and the wall washing or can we get on with it? Well, I think. I think it's. I think it's well for people to know where things are happening as we speak and that a little bit later on today we're bound to see some good hefty traffic, although probably not as heavy as one would might expect. A lot of people have already left the city for their various vacation retreats. However, at those Vacation retreats, streets. You'll see heavy traffic there because that's where everybody's gone to currently in the city. We do. I can't stand that. Holy God. I can't stand it. You sound like a politician. The way you definitely dodge from one to the next kind of dance around things. That's right. The people who are going away for the weekend are probably already there. Probably already there. Yeah. So I imagine the next hefty bit of traffic will be Sunday night when they come back. Or Monday. Monday night, actually. Actually, Monday night. That's true. Monday night. So I guess we can project into Monday that traffic will be. You want to do that now? Do you want to wait till your next report? You don't want to throw everything at them all at once. I don't want to. I don't want to keep all my eggs in separate baskets, but. But we do, of course, have those walls. Holy sweet. You don't mind if we dance while you do your traffic report? That's fine, as long as you dance slowly. We do have some ever lustrous wall washers and bulb changes inside the beautiful Callahan Tunnel. They'll be there until about 5:30am for your watching pleasure. Should you want to have your wall washed, you may stop and ask them politely if they wouldn't mind stopping by and give your tile a rub. Oh, my. Right now. Or if you want your bulb changed, they might just give it a turn. But anyway, things big enough, just a bit. On the expressway, northbound and southbound as it is ever so gently on the lower deck of 93, the Tobin Bridge heading into the city. And deftly but swiftly on Route 128 and 495. So drive with extreme caution. Comb your hair, brush your teeth and always have shiny shoes. And always be good to your mother and old folks. And don't forget a hanky. That's right. And check. Yeah, clean under in case you get hit by a truck or something. Otherwise at the hospital and say, boy, not treating this guy with his dirty underwear. This is. We've. You realize we've made this a whole program. It's a whole program. It's the whole program on traffic, armchair traffic. It's kind of like the meteorological stuff on television where the weather forecast goes on and on and you say, just come out and say, is it going to be nice tomorrow? Not nice. And then, screw, man. [00:54:02] Speaker B: We don't. [00:54:02] Speaker C: We don't need all that filler stuff in between. Well, you know, don't know. I'm driving traffic in the west coast today should be very heavy. To the north of the city we do see a low tire pressure area heading through the Rockies. That's right. The traffic is now heading in our direction. It should hit us by Monday night, right? Yes, indeed. Can we wind this thing up eventually? Sure. I don't know whether you believe this or not, but I actually have nothing going for the next hour anyway, so it doesn't really matter, I suppose. Do you have a commercial after this? No, no, no. Not for another 15, 20 minutes. Do you mind if I put in one of my own? You certainly can. Thank you very much, Jack. And keep in touch. I will do. [00:54:42] Speaker A: How did we ever get away with that show? I'm so glad we did. And we never ever heard a word about the absolute lunacy that would occur during those overnight hours. Now those are some damn good times. And the traffic soap opera to close it all out. Each one of us just winging it with comments, ad libs and sound effects. We'll see you next week. Closing the vault and leaving this world a little sillier than we found it. Four Westinghouse Washing machines and broadcasting. Stealing and smuggling. C. Parker Swan iii, the magic moderator of Northborough, Massachusetts. Pennant fever. Wayne Boggs. Mount Vernon Street. Jack's smelly itchy feet. Bob's barbershop in Worcester. Dreaming of Jean, the hurricane of 1938. My math skills. Ginks. Jack Benny. Sheer raw lust. The Clapper Cocaine. The incredible condominium machine. Having another one Smut, Scratch and sniff Autograph pictures of Jack's rash. The home and travel editions of the dumb birthday game. Disclaimers. Colorizing pickles and coleslaw. Ray Brown, A, E Diane Sawyer Kid underwear. Smartasses. Holy cow. Groveling. The easy to assemble fanny flag set. Gold Bond medicated powder. Keep it in your sneaker. Warren shepherd and countryside. Exciting and erotic area codes. Going away and being there. Wall washing and bulb changing. And the very game for this craziness. Kristen from Dorchester. The idiot Steve Lavelli. The itchy, rashy, cackling Jack Hart. And the man who was really not that old, Norm Nathan. I'm the human calculator. Clearly, with a few buttons missing. Tony Nesbit. [00:56:32] Speaker C: You imagine somebody tuning in now in Nebraska and just hearing people. Six people on the air laughing like this. What have I missed?